Anger and Forgiveness

Anger and Forgiveness….

How can we forgive people who’ve done horrible things?
Our judgment on the act is a reaction of anger.

Can forgiveness and justice co-exist?

When something bad happens, we seek justice. We want the wrong-doer(s) to pay.
But who made us the justice police? I’m not saying to give up on law and order, but I am asking us to reflect and seek out answers to the question, “Who made us the justice police?” To seek revenge, justice, and trial?

We hold out for justice to the abusers, abandoners, neglectful, and greedy.
What happens when we hold on to seeking justice, for the apology, for the remorse year after after year? What happens to anger over time? Is it still the same or has it grown ready to explode?
How do we respond? What can we do?

Anger met with anger creates more anger.

Anger cannot be overcome with more anger. You cannot get rid of anger with anger, however, a habit can be overcome with another habit.
Our response to anger is a habit and we can change our response with a new habit.

But what is anger? Anger is an emotional reaction.

“Anger is a response of suffering that has not been met with compassion and love.” – Dr. Deb Lindh

One of the greatest human strengths is the mind. We are able to judge right vs. wrong. Our common sense says if we do “x” then it will lead to “y;” cause and effect.
However, if the mind is preoccupied or distracted by anger, then we lose the strength of judgment. Therefore, we are not in harmony with ourselves; our mind, body, emotions, and energy as well as the world around us.

We are not free.
We are hostage to the energy, force, and power of anger.
Therefore, we must protect our mental strength and superpower of judgment.

How? We can counter our anger with a few steps.

We can cultivate less anger through building our response muscle in the mind. We can counter our anger with a few steps.

  1. Respond to projected anger with love and compassion. Through seeking to understand and using mindful awareness, we can counter through love and compassion. Once we can build awareness of understanding, then we see the person through compassion and love. You may not like what’s happening, but you can understand. Ask, “Why” and then reflect, reframe, and respond. 4, 3, 2, 1, 0. End with 0. In nothingness we find stillness; we find clarity and train the mind.
  2. Find the Value. If a person makes you angry or a situation makes you angry, ask: What is the Value? What’s good about it? What’s this person’s gifts? Respond to anger by finding the value of the situation and/or person. It’s there.  I always say, “everything has value.” It might take a little bit longer, but it’s there. It’s the balance of the Universe.
  3. Dealing with strong and harbored anger takes a bit more work. The longer the passed time, the stronger the anger. Suppressed anger grows. Let it out. Whether that means to write it all out (and it make take several times doing this writing), or talk into a memo app (make sure to not save or review but to delete)…just get it out.

After using any of these exercises…do one more step. Forgive. Holding on to anger hurts you. Release the anger and forgive. Release yourself from holding on to the anger. Doing so you’ll free yourself.

“Anger is a form of tension that robs us peace.” – Dr. Deb Lindh

Who does anger serve? With its hypnotic powers, once all is said and done and the dust settles from the aftermath, man’s clouded judgment becomes clear and as he looks around at the destruction. As he gazes he says, “God, What have I done? What have I become? How did I lose myself? Look what my hands have done to myself and to my fellow mankind. I have suffered and caused suffering. Please forgive me. Let me repent and dedicate my life from this moment on to do good; to promote kindness, compassion, peace and love.”

Post your comments. Share what you think.  I want to hear from you!

In love and light,

Dr. Deb

Amazing…Yes, It Is.

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I was once lost, and now I am found.  Each time we experience awareness we become awaken. We were once blind, and now we see. We experience a resurrection of sorts.  We bow our heads with humility and grace, knowing that we forgive ourselves for being less than perfect.  While we strive to succeed through grit, determination, and purpose….To make this day of life one more fulfilled with kindness, love, and the pursuit of happiness.

Some may want to circle thoughts back to shame.  Regret.  Wonder “why it took so long for this awareness” to become present.  My friends, don’t look back with regret or shame.  Wonder, yes, and wonder with curiosity the present day and if we wake again the days ahead.

We remember the pain.  We remember the hurt. We use its energy fuel and propel us forward.  In wonder, you may ask, “How many more awakenings and awakened moments will I experience in a lifetime?” That’s a profound question.  I hope many because the day we cease to become aware and awakened, is as Quinn states is “living death.” Be grateful those moments happen because some never have them happen. Now go out and make this day count because it does!

What do you think?  Share your comments!

Nature and Intelligence

chipmunkNature and intelligence. How smart we humans think we are compared to other animals. With our technology, houses, cars, and adornments. And yet we are ignorant with intelligence compared to even the smallest animals. Take this chipmunk. His/her keen intellect warns of a coming storm, bad weather, danger, and safety. This little animal does not need a weather alert system to warn of a tornado, severe rain, or dangerous threat. It simply knows. I did an experiment with this chipmunk. My walking on a path caused it to retreat in a tree. I stood on the path and talked to it  using my regular voice. The chipmunk came out and I kept talking and I saw a man was watching than called out his young son. The dad and son looked on as I talked to the chipmunk. When I said to it, “I’m not going to harm you”…this little chipmunk moved closer, then stopped, then moved closer and was close that I could have pet it. Yes. I am no threat. We humans can learn a lot from even the smallest animal. We humans are a speck in this vast universe and not of highest intelligence. This chipmunk taught me Awareness of possibilities. A re-check of ego. And a lesson to this dad and son who couldn’t believe what they saw.

The next time we think we know so much, consider a chipmunk and nature knows more then us humans.

What do you think?  Share your thoughts below.

Dr. Deb & KARE 11 Care about Public Stress

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Appearing on NBC affiliate KARE 11, Reporter Pat Evans and Dr. Deb Lindh talk about Public Stress. What is it, how does it impact people…from little kids all the way through to adults, and practical tips to combat Public Stress.

Check out the video to learn these tips.

Reaching Amazon’s Best Seller’s List – What Does it Mean?

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By now you’ve probably heard the news that the co-authored book, The Success Blueprint, with personal development and business guru, Brian Tracy, reached Amazon’s Best Seller’s List.  Not just once, but twice!

The excitement is incredible!  At a recent event, I was in a group of people when asked, “How did you reach Amazon’s Best Seller’s List?” Before I could respond, a person in the group shouted, “She sold a lot of books!”

At that point in the discussion, I couldn’t help but clarify. While reaching the level of Amazon’s Best Seller’s List technically means a certain number of books were purchased.  “Selling” books is one way to look at this accomplishment.  Add into the fact that not one but two Amazon Best Seller’s List were accomplished…well, that is a lot of book!

But that is not what I see.  What I see is people…. the amount of people who thought:

  • This book can help me.
  • This book speaks to me.
  • I need this information.
  • This information can help me.
  • I need this book.

We see the number of people being helped. We see the number of people who decided to do something to solve the problems that keep them up at night, rob joy, and prevent them from living the life they want and deserve! That’s what we see.  That’s what I see too.

When learning that The Success Blueprint hit Amazon’s Best Seller’s List…twice…in 48 hours…my immediate thought was, “Oh my gosh!  We helped that many people!” My second thought was, “There are many more to help.”

As I shared some of these thoughts with the group, I also noted that celebrating success is always important.  What’s even more important is revising the goal from helping thousands of people to hundreds of thousands to a million to millions of people being helped.  To help, serve, share, listen, encourage, reach, train, show, and hear their successes…. celebrate their successes…how their lives are better – yes, their goals reached.

Because at the end of the day, it isn’t about the number of books sold…it’s about the number of people helped.  Making a difference in people’s lives. Yes, we celebrate successes and what is celebrated more is the number of people’s lives being helped…that’s what we celebrate. We celebrate YOU!

And while we’re celebrating…a Special Edition of The Success Blueprint is available exclusively at www.themindfuleffect.com

The mic is open…post your comments, questions, share your results after using the tips in The Success Blueprint…and always…Make today GREAT!

Best,

Dr. Deb

 

 

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We meet people from all walks of life, with different education, backgrounds, and careers. Recently, Dr. Deb met with a person who is recently divorced after 50 years of marriage. Throughout the years he relied on alcohol to suppress stress. His question, “Why did it take me so long (to decide to make the change)?”
Awareness can be linked to questioning and understanding. Awareness can also be linked to judgement and shame. After reading his question, how many reading this post when to “questioning and understanding?” How many reading this post went to “judgement and shame?”
This man’s question was both. Dr. Deb’s help to him was seeing the value in both and acknowledging the decision. As Dr. Deb said, “Better today then never.” Thumbs-up to this man. He decided and is taking action.
What are your thoughts? Share them…

Start Strong 2017!

Just Because Most Don't Make It Doesn't Mean YOU Can't!

Just Because Most Don’t Make It Doesn’t Mean YOU Can’t! @GrantCardone

New Year’s Day.  Another year.  Another set of resolutions.  Another attempt to “get it right” this year!  Yeah, this year is going to be THE year!  But will it? For many, every year starts the same…the intention to do “it” this year. Whatever “it” is…lose weight, quit smoking, stop drinking, eat healthier, find a new job, finish the degree, fall in love, spend less/save more…the endless list of “it.”  Then, we are hit with the information that says we’re set up to fail before we even start! According to Statistic Brain, only 8% of people are successful in achieving their resolution. Yes, you read that right…8 (freaking) percent!  Forbes confirms this stat.  Psychology Today does too. And almost 50% of resolutions made fall into the category of Self Improvement or Education.  Does this mean that we fail ourselves? Does this mean people don’t value themselves enough to succeed?  Does this mean that our habits truly take over our brain and control our actions regardless of our intention?

Think about it.  What prevents you from achieving a resolution?  What prevents you from on December 31, 2017 rocking out the New Year into 2018 shouting, “I DID IT!”

What prevents us from being able to reach success???

Okay, before everyone starts thinking and feeling all doom and gloom…there is hope.  Keep in mind that we hear of success stories every year.  The Cinderella.  The Underdog.  The Long Shot.  Whatever you call it, these are average people doing the impossible.  Well, impossible by statistics. Like Gladwell’s book Outliers, we all can be an outlier.  Yes, you and I can defy statistics.  We can basically screw up those stats and stump the scientist, professor, guru of all things resolution.  I think that sounds pretty cool – to defy statistics, be an outlier, and succeed in reaching our goal!

 How can I learn what to do?  Where can I find support, help, and a system to do this?To Start Strong and defy statistics?  This week’s PTSDChat is THE place to be because we’re going to share and discuss the stuff you need to know and use to do exactly this! Come prepared with your questions, challenges, and objections…bring it on!  Because by the end of the Radio Show and Twitter PTSDChat, you’ll be equipped to Start Strong!  Remember…get settled a few minutes before; get your notepad/paper and pen, coffee/tea/water, use the restroom…you’ll want to be there for the full hour, to take notes, listen, learn, and Start 2017 Strong!

 Think Great.  Be Do Great.  Be Great! – Dr. Deb

Ask Dr. Deb – Have a Question for Dr. Deb?                   

 

Mindfulness, Myths, and More!

I will admit that seeing the title of Mindful Magazine’s Editor-in-Chief, Barry Boyce, recent email blast: 5 things people get wrong about mindfulness, an immediate thought came to mind, “Yeah, I can think of more than 5.”

Noticing my immediate thought, I made the decision to take a mindful pause from my day and read the article. No expectations; just to see what he says.  See, I have a trigger about mindfulness which is: mindfulness in recent years has become so popular, that it’s also become very distorted.  This distortion increased confusion and does harm to the good that mindfulness practice provides. Also, the distortion and perpetuated myths trigger me.

Mindfulness has become perceived as this “practice” this “thing” that we “do,” and schedule time to “do,” where we sit cross-legged on some fluffy cushion in silence for hours, even a full day, and then go brag about it to the rest of the world.  The sitting on the cushion practice especially irritates me.  As a mindfulness and stress consultant, I practice and teach with the value of inclusion; Mindfulness is for everyone and not dependent on form such as sitting on a cushion cross-legged.  And frankly, images of mindful practice sitting on a cushion excludes people with physical disabilities such as neuropathy from diabetes to paralysis, Parkinson’s, and other physical limitations.  Heck, after the birth of my kids, sitting for too long, my hips start barking and I gladly reach for a high-density foam roller. And yet, I “practice” mindfulness every day. Wherever I am.  In any moment. Cushion-free.  🙂

I was a subscriber to Mindful.  But then with each issue, came again an image of a person sitting on a cushion; Which is an image often associated with practicing meditation.  Well, until I saw Vinny Ferraro, from Mindful Schools. I was thrilled to see Vinny’s head-shot on the cover of Mindful.  No cushion.  Just Vinny.  Just being. Taking classes with Mindful Schools and interacting with their educators and fellow mindful peers, I gave Mindful magazine a second chance.  After all, don’t we all deserve a second chance? Yeah. I believe so.

And in the moment of seeing Barry’s email, all of these thoughts that you’ve just read came flooding into my awareness.

So, I took a mindful pause and purposefully read.  And you know what? He’s spot on. Barry brings to our awareness common myths and misconceptions about mindfulness. He details each myth, calls out why it’s a myth, and then adds his (or Mindful Magazine’s) version of truth and reality. My only recommendation is to be mindful when using the terms “meditation” and “mindfulness” with the phrase “mindful meditation.” Clear and concise writing is essential when addressing myths to illustrate the intent because it’s not clear if he intends to use mediation and mindfulness as interchangeable terms. It looks that way, but I am not sure.  Perhaps Barry will address this in his next post.

I applaud Barry and Mindful for their public efforts to bring clarity to a mucky situation. With great wisdom comes great responsibility.  Sometimes that responsibility includes setting things straight.  Bravo! And yeah, I look forward to tomorrow and Myth 3.

A Child’s Wisdom

Kids. We can learn a lot from kids.  Sometimes kids are our teachers.  As adults, if we listen…truly listen, talk, ask questions…we find that yes, indeed they are the ones who are wise.

This pix is a summary of a conversation with my 9 y.o. son.  It happened tonight.  He’s an amazing kid. No bias, of course. When I told him of my plan to post as an unedited blog, he calmly said, “That’s great, Mom. I hope it helps a thousand people.  Yeah, a thousand.  That would be nice.”

So, if reading our conversation helps you, moves you, does something positive for you (and I hope it does)…please leave a comment. I’ll be sure to show him.

All my best, Dr. Deb

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Survivor 2 Warrior: Part 3


Happy 4th of July, Everyone!

I know today is tough for a lot of people and as the day goes on it’ll get tougher. I’m living proof that yes, you can get your life back, start feeling normal and amazing. Relationships can get better, stronger, and the journey can be without being controlled by the triggers, hooks, pain, frustration, and anger (see attached info-graphic below).

Keep your questions and comments coming – I’m totally jazzed at the excitement and outreach of people connecting; completely honored and blessed to serve everyone – post your comments and questions at the end of this video, blog, twitter feed and again, I’ll be answering all questions in the next email and video and sharing with everyone – thanks a bunch!

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